One of the trainings was about Presentation Dynamics, where they taught us how to present properly and professionally in front of many people. I was so lost the first time I had my speech. I didn’t even know what I was talking about. I had my fair share of criticisms. They weren’t kidding when they said that “The fire that burned the wood was the same fire that hardened the steel”. It’s true. I can definitely say that I’m getting better at presenting myself in front. I still get cold feet, but I know how to manage my nervousness now. I have been told that my voice was inaudible until now. Now that I’ve thought of it, I could barely notice that I’m almost shouting when presenting in front, which is the exact opposite of myself years ago, where I appeared to be whispering from the audience’s point of view.

We also had training on Achieving Meeting Results as well as English 101, which made me realize that even though your grammar sounds perfect, there are still things that were incorrect or inconsistent in it. I used not to raise my hand during discussions, but I do now. It felt better when I’ve lifted those questions or things that I’ve hidden from my mind. One thing I learned is that it’s better to ask questions than to assume. Don’t be afraid to raise your questions. You might think that your questions are stupid, but in a meeting, those who didn’t ask any question are the ones who appeared stupid.

Throughout the training, I wasn’t afraid of being corrected. I wasn’t offended when they correct me. Rather, I see it as an opportunity to learn and get better. If you’re a person with great pride, it’s difficult for you to accept criticisms, but if you want to grow, you must learn how to deal with them. I know that everyone would learn from them too. Our facilitators really know how to handle us, when to compliment, give feedback and shut us up when we’re going off the track, even though it was their first time to handle such a crowd. They know what they’re doing and they’re good at it. I know that teaching is difficult; I’m even terrible at explaining things even when I’m speaking in vernacular. And for that, my hat’s off to them.

This is the first training that I’ve attended at work and I can say I’m grateful that I have been given this opportunity because I learned a lot. Now that the training is ending, I can feel a little sadness because I have been enjoying it. It just feels so good knowing that by the end of the day, you learn something new!

I am more confident now and I feel like I can face the world without cowering.

To my facilitators, thank you for being selfless and endowing your knowledge to us. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t have taken a step higher on the ladder.

A good teacher is like a candle – it consumes itself to light the way for others.
~Mustafa Kemal Atatürk

I browsed and read my previous posts in this blog from the last few years, and I came to realize that I blogged more often and that there was transparency in most of my posts. I can still feel my emotions and what was going through as I read them. And I realized that the reason that I haven’t been blogging just as much isn’t really the lack of time or laziness. I just used the as an excuse not to blog. Should I be ashamed of myself because I’m a blogger?

As I grew and got to know more about life and its peculiarity, I learned that there are times when you shouldn’t or couldn’t disclose information or feelings. I think I’ve been masking my feelings lately to the point that I couldn’t blog about them, not even the things that I want to rant or what is happening to my life or what I think about them. One of the things why I love blogging was that it improved my grammar and sentence construction, but that’s the main reason why I love doing it in the first place. When I can’t express myself in real life, I do it through blogging.

When I started this blog, I post extremely long posts such as this one and I found out that most people don’t like reading this kind of stuffs. Who would read something that doesn’t concern them or they couldn’t relate to, right? So I started to lessen the things I write and posted pictures. I did enjoy them for a while, but editing and posting pictures just tire me out. I’m not as enthusiastic about it as doing this and ranting away. If you’ve been reading this blog years ago, you’d know what I mean and would have noticed the transition. I found it mandatory to include pictures to make my blog seem more interesting and would get more visitors. I got what I wanted, but in the long run, it felt like a chore. And people like me don’t like doing chores. So I procrastinate.

As my blog visitors grew in number, I became wary of what I should post, especially when people I know in real life, such as my classmates, workmates, and relatives found out about this. I don’t have control over who can view or read my blog. So I chose not to disclose things that I think might be personal. There are nosy people, and you don’t know that there are people who dislike you and would use that information against you. You might think that I’m getting paranoid, but admit it, it could happen to anyone. You might think that it’s silly of me not to think like this before, yes, you’re right. :P

After a long time, I’ve come to a conclusion that I can still bog without ever feeling the need to post pictures every time I post a new one. I can blog without the feeling of being stalked or watched that I tend to be too cautious with every information I give away and end up not blogging.

I’ve been restricting myself from the thing that I truly want to do and it feels heavy. I’ve learned that paying attention to everyone, being concerned on every little thing that everyone would say about you, being influenced on what everyone would tell you hinders you from being the great person that you would become. I don’t want that to happen so I shouldn’t continue doing that and I’ll throw this useless emotional baggage down the drain.

If you’re wondering, yes, this is one of the emotional and personal posts that I used to write and haven’t done so in ages. I’m actually experiencing goosebumps as I write this post. Nostalgia, maybe? It feels like home. This feeling. So I’m not letting this go.

And yes, I will continue to write things like this on my blog. I truly missed this. The old Senyth is back.

Home truly is where the heart is. I found myself where I’m supposed to be. It didn’t take so much time. ~Lady Antebellum

I usually just chat during nights and search for things if our teachers ask for it. And it’s still a wonder why I haven’t changed the layout yet. This is the layout I’ve used the longest, so far. Haha. And I’m sorry.

For the past summer, I was able to complete my OJT and build a website. I’m going to get paid for the site I made for an NGO this Friday. YAY! As for my OJT allowance, out IT Manager is still following up the HR Manger. I hope it’ll be fixed, sooner or later.

As for those who are interested in my so-called lovelife, things are actually pretty good. We’ve talked it over last Saturday and I never thought our feelings would cross. I’ve only seen this in my dream, never thought it’d be real.

I’ve been having mood swings lately though my monthly visitor just dropped by a week ago or so. I get upset and sad easily and I don’t know why. Even just the smallest things like “What a lame joke” as what my classmate told me made me upset. I’m crazy, obnoxious and an attention-seeker.

I have to stop this because I feel like I’m behaving like Tricia of PBB Teen Clash 2010, though I don’t tell anyone how I feel. As what I discovered recently, Tricia has this Histrionic personality and she annoys all of her house mates. Not a single soul likes her in the house, but they’re trying to help her.

It’s hard to keep your face straight and not to show that you’re unhappy.

It’s my birthday tomorrow – oh, it’s a few minutes from now as I make this post – and I’m supposed to be happy, but I’m not.

It’s been like this since June 1. June isn’t really a month for me.

It was through Friendster that I discovered blogging and I figured out it was relieving to have something where you can vent out your feelings. I guess most of the bloggers did go through Blogspot or Blogger, but believe it or not, I don’t have an account in either of the two. Fairy Tales and Castles(Yup, it’s Lifehouse-inspired ) is one of my earliest blogs. But then I got annoyed how limited their themes are, even though blog is powered by WordPress, which I didn’t know at that time. Hahaha!

After I learned how to make sites and got hosted for free, I started blogging using Cutenews, but I wasn’t that satisfied, so I switched to WordPress. I moved all my posts here in this site and promised that I’d only blog here. Oh well, I’m really unfaithful. XD I’m blogging on three sites. LOL. Maybe because I don’t want one to have multiple posts for one day, and lately I have this crazy tendency to blog whenever I’m online. I find it fun though.

Speaking of breaking promises, I kept on saying to myself that I woulnd’t make a Formspring account because I couldn’t exactly point out its use, but just recently, I did register an account. Haha. XD You are free to ask me some questions if you want.

Blogging really makes me happy. Thank goodness someone invented it. I’d love to meet him/her even just for a day! Hahaha.

I was planning on making a vector and changing my layout, but then I realized that our video card is busted. I would have wanted to use Illustrator but I don’t want to stress this little built-in video card that our motherboard has. Damn it. I’m the one who’s gonna receive all the rants from our mother and father. I really hope this video card isn’t busted for good. I hope I can fix this tomorrow when I clean our computer.

My dad has been telling me to look for laptops because he’d get me one. I still really don’t believe until I hold that thing with my both hands because it’d be so heartbreaking for me if what he said wasn’t true. I’m eyeing an Asus laptop, but if he’d get me a mini one, then that would do good too. I know that we’re not rich and I shouldn’t demand an expensive laptop. Having a cheap one is already more than enough for me. Gosh, can’t you tell I’m already looking forward to it? XD

I’m back to watching KDramas again. YAY! I missed these stuffs! Our internet is slow as usual, but I can wait! XD I’m watching Cinderella’s Sister and Personal Preferences. 8D Lee Min Ho is just sooo hot! :P Suggest me a good KDrama please?

And yeah, I’ll try to keep myself busy so that my attention won’t be diverted to those depressing things I’m going through lately.

If you're not interested, you can opt to read the previous post. Sorry for the inconvenience.

I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love you
I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care
I wouldn’t waste your time or my time in a love that’s going nowhere”

My last post for January! Yipee! Final’s coming and it’ll be summer again. Bwahaha. And yes, I’m inspired by Berlinda’s song I Wouldn’t Be Here If I Didn’t Love You. Yeah, I know the title’s pretty long. Unlike my previous love posts, this isn’t directed to anyone in particular, which is unusual I admit. Haha. My father is sleeping with the radio in its full volume so I can hear the songs being played by the current station and they’re all about love. Gosh. I can already feel that February is really the love month. Hahaha. But those songs remind me of two guys, who both play a different role in my life.

Speaking of my father, he was telling me lately that he’s going to buy me a laptop if my grades are good. I don’t know whether it’s true or it only serves as a bait for me to study. If it’s the latter, well, it’s working because I’m already motivated. LOL.

We were making our Database project last Friday and I realized that PHP and MySQL are a well-matched couple. And I even came up with a corny pick-up line: We’re like PHP and MySQL. We’re inseparable. Bwahaha. We haven’t finished half of the project and the deadline’s slowly arriving.

_{All this time, I knew someday you’d need to find something that you left behind, something I can’t give you.}

If you're not interested, you can opt to read the previous post. Sorry for the inconvenience.

If you're not interested, you can opt to read the previous post. Sorry for the inconvenience.